gingerleigh (gingerleigh) wrote,
gingerleigh
gingerleigh

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Sucker

Not just to lose respect for someone, but to realize how they've disrespected you is a hard - very jagged - pill to swallow.

Love slaps us in the face all the time. Globally, 24 hours a day and seven days a week, someone is nursing a broken heart, someone is trying to find their new love in the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle, someone is being cheated on. And in each of these places these poor souls who feel so alone are suddenly encircled by these angels who deliver tender words and warm hugs. These angels we also know as our friends. They will break their backs trying to hold you up, be it having too much from that Jack Daniels bottle or because you've spent all your energy crying the day away. They alone remind you of how great you are. They sit and listen to you babble endlessly about your lost love, low self esteem, family life for HOURS. They'll try to keep their eyes open even though they're falling asleep while you're talking... they are your army. And when someone hurts you they take a deep breath and put on their combat gear.

Such as life at 22, we've all met this tragedy at some point or another; the tragedy of a broken heart. Be it on a small scale or a large one, I wouldn't refrain from saying all of us are jaded at least a little bit by now. I've been the wounded - I've probably made that clear with this journal, I'm sure (insert rolling eyes here) - and I've noticed the warm hugs and the long talks and the *please feel better* look in their eyes. They would have done ANYTHING to make me feel better and I love them for that, and I remember it. I've also been the soldier. I AM a soldier. When a friend of mine has a gaping wound in their chest I don't stay quiet about it... not many people would. And I don't take it lightly, either. Be it 3 years ago, 5 years ago... 20 years ago. If you've hurt one of my friends, you've hurt me and that's the end of the story. Maybe it's indirectly holding a grudge - but isn't the role of a friend to watch over the person you care about? And to warn them of making a mistake? When your ex saunters back into your life - the ex that chewed you up and spit you out, that screwed you up for years, would YOU take them back with open arms? How about after a long talk thinking they sound like they're coming from a better place? How about doing it in spite of what all of your friends tell you? Or how about if you've never honestly gotten over the person and haven't made the whole hearted effort to find someone new? Think about it.

The phrase of the day is "I can understand the temptation...", and I can, I REALLY can. But the real question most people stop and think about is "Can I really allow someone to do this to me? Can I really let this person get away with hurting me like that - and am I willing risk my heart and my time in that way again?" The people I've talked to do this - and their phrase of the day always ends with "...but it's a terrible idea." Which it is. Not only are you making a sucker of yourself but you're making assholes of all of your friends - all of the angels that tried to support you through the bad times and helped you laugh through the pain. You let them down, you let everyone that's ever been royally screwed up by an ex down, and ultimatley you've let yourself down by allowing someone to cross the boundries that you've lain. The only person who wins is the ex, the bad guy. You can NEVER let the bad guy win - it's like watching Bowser enslave Princess Toadstool for eternity, Ursela winning Prince Eric's heart and actually marrying her forever. It's the sad part of being a friend - when you can do nothing about a terrible mistake you see coming and having all of your concern for the past 3 years fall onto deaf ears. How can you watch them ruin themselves with a lethal person you've come to loathe? The person you know that is so incredibly unhealthy for them? How can you even want to be around when they are around? Why are wonderful people wasted on some of the ugly people out there. I could continue with the how's and the why's, but there's honestly nothing I can do - which probably drives me the most insane. It's just... the bad guy is NOT supposed to win, ok?

I wish, more than anything right now, that this didn't bother me as much as it does. It makes me sick. I broke out over this, I have all these gross zits and all on the behalf of someone who can't keep their hands to themselves. I wish I could respect this decision, and I wish I also felt respected and appreciated. But nothing I've said - nothing - has been heard. A mind was made up WAY before anyone said anything to me and my hot air was just there to remind me they were alive, I assume. Why do I care SO MUCH? I'm not really sure. I sort of feel like it's a big "fuck you" to me, actually. For many reasons. I want to be the supportive friend but how am I supposed to be supportive of someone's unhealthy addiction? Unhealthy infatuation? I can't be.

Love slaps us in the face all the time. But when friends do it, it stings a lot worse.
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