I am at such a spooky point in my life right now, I feel like I'm standing at the top of a mountain with my arms spread and there is a great chasm yawning below me lined with gushing waterfalls. All I'm waiting for is the perfect moment that I have just an *inkling* of bravery - or stupidity - to jump. It's not suicidal, no, its just moving forward. Making that moose-legged transition from childhood to adulthood. Cleaning out the Babysitter's Club books and replacing them with books about 'How' and 'Why' instead of 'who' and 'when'. The point in which I actaully get the jokes on SNL poking at politics, when I can chime in about gas prices and the deductable on my Blue Cross. When I begin to have friends who are seriously considering marriage.
When growing up actually intrigues me.
No matter what age I am, I'll always feel like that goofy giggley little girl with the long ponytail and uneven bangs carrying Strawberry-Cherry (my favorite Cabbage Patch doll) by the arm. If I'm in line at the bank, if I'm walking down the isle to the man I'm going to marry, if I'm waiting in the carpool to pick up my dirty little kids from school, somehow I feel the stress from life will not harden the little kid inside of me - it will bring her out.
I think a part of this awakening is falling in love. Here I go - I can at least be bold and admit to falling IN it. My past has been on my mind intensely because of this, but I believe that I've finally forgiven the pain somehow. This feeling is beautiful. Waking up next to him is beautiful, giving him a ride to work is beautiful. I can do this kind of thing for a really long time. It just feels RIGHT. That is the perfect way to start the morning; with the smell of his cologne and feeling like I'm part of something that is going to become much greater. He is so wonderful and he has no idea.
Like I said, isn't it funny how things change.